really .. seriously .. having bad moodswings recently .. sometimes just cry for no reason .. perhaps .. down deep inside my heart is really lonely and sad .. just that i am just trying to cover .. not to feeel too lonely and sad .. just by listenin to songs .. abt 2 ex come to my mind .. one is alex and raymond .. raymond is the most number of times .. dunno but why .. recently .. i have been really missing him .. haiz .. can't get hold of him, my heart will feel ache and brk like when we are tgr, i cannot get hold of him .. the feeling now and last time is the same .. however .. sad to say .. i also dunno why .. wei qiang .. however didn't really pop out in my mind lor .. haha .. perhaps in the first place i dun love him at all bah .. thats why .. and perhaps we din have much memories .. perhaps i am cheap .. prefer guys who treat me bad .. lolx .. idiot lor .. anw .. really miss him alot .. was watching cornering with love (转角遇到爱）again .. and him is all in my mind .. and my collugues was watching wei xiao pasta （微笑 Pasta）.. it was him again .. why .. why can't i just forget him after being treated so badly for so long .. perhaps its isn't tt bad ..
most of my friends are happily attached with bf/gf ... those even said will not able to get a gf for sure .. even have a gf now .. why .. not me .. i will envy them alot .. having their another partner care and concern them and loving them .. why .. for me ... nobody @ all .. i really feeling very upset about this .. who could understand .. some of my friends are even engaged .. perhaps like what my mummy will always say .. if my life is good, i could be a mother by now ... perhaps my life is fated to be like tt .. left out on the shelf .. perhaps this is a punishment by god .. for being too 花心 like time .. perhaps bah .. i really dunno .. just hopeful .. i will be able to get a good bf soon and perhaps husband .. hopefully ..
if i were to die out of home .. will anyone remember me as a fren .. as a ex .. as a sista .. as a ex-collugues .. i doubt so .. perhaps nobody will even noe whether i dead or not .. pathetic me huh!! the only person who could make me laugh is my brother .. perhaps he is the only one who understand me ... how terrible i am feeling .. he will make endless effort of trying to make me happy .. even i noe what he says is fake .. but at least i really feel happy talking to him ..
sometimes .. i really wish i ccould die .. and then will not have so much to think .. so much problem .. really .. feeling tired .. can't think .. if one could die so easily, everyone who tried to commit suicide, wun failed and becum paralysed person ler ..
ok lahx .. time to end .. buaiz ..