so bored lahs !
i wanna buy wii or ps3 when i get back to sg !!
roar !!
anyone truely understand me .
if u do,
can u tell me what am i actually .
i dunno .
haiz .
i cannot recognise myself at all .
i dunno

today i having a busy day again lars .
whole day acc my boss wife running ard lahs .
sian .
juz reach home not long ago nia loh .
haiz .
so tired .
fell asleep at her car lah .
then talk to dardar the whole day on the phone .
miss him lots lots lah .
wanna go back asap .
so .
i NEED and MUST start work by next week loh .
or else how to go back early lah .
haiz .
bored .
then today make dardar angry lah .
hee .
luckily dardar not so petty de .
awhile lata ok le .
hahahha
=D
oh ya .
my films most of them finish download liao !!!
yaya .
so many eng films to watch lahs .
so happy loh .
=D
happy day .
tmr will be a betta day .
aiya .
wanted to say something .
but hor .
i forget liao le .
sigh .
oh ya !!!!
my boss wife wanna see dardar photo loh .
haha .
i say he very shuai shuai de .
so cutie .
haha .
=D

i want to go on holiday !!!!!
but no money ...
whr can i go without money but can take plane .
sigh .
i and dardar says want to go to hk or taiwan .
but .
both of us no money .
sobx .
mayb juz nearby country malaysia ba .
langkawai.
hee .
dunno lah .
see how lah .

i realised i am so clever lahs .
whaha .
juz managed to change my blogskin every single thing within a night
and i am now so tired
yawns~
time for bed .
tmr will be back for some updates .

i dunno but why suddenly.
my mind and heart are in a lost .
i knew i have to make a decision quik and fast .
but somehow .
suddenlt .
i am so lost .
i dunno what to do .
i nd someone to guide me along .
bobby .
help .
=x

juz so freakin bored now lah~
sianz !!!!
roar !!!!
i watch finish my show le .
now downloading new films to watch .
wah lao .
dwl speed so slow lei .
haiz .
sux lah .
pui~
and i think my computer is going to bonkers soon lah!!!
will restart itself de loh .
si bei sian lah.
haiz .
dunno lah .
go bonkers and go bonkers loh
gonna buy a new one when i reach sg anw .
but is desktop lah .
i wun buy laptop liao lah .
buy 2 laptops within 3 yrs .
whr gt ppl so pro de loh .
fuck lah .
miss dardar so much lah !!!
wan to see dardar !!!!
sobx .
dardar when we going on holiday .
juz both of us .
=D
dardar .
i will love u no matter wht happens
and i knw u will love me no matter wht happens .
i and u knw what i mean can le!!!
=D
muackie!!!!

juz reached home .
tdy was quite bz .
was at hospital the whole day with my boss wife and her daughter .
well .
her daughter nd to extract teeth ma .
then they dun reali knw eng .
i nd to b there .
then my phone no credit and batt oki!!!!!
wah lao eh .
and my nds no batt also loh .
so boring ~~~~~
cannot call to dar .
dar find me urgently .
i knew it .
but .
sorry dardar .
not i dun wan call u back,
is i cannot lah .
miss dardar so much .
wanted to talk to him so much .
juz so unlucky oki!
and tired .
slept for 2 hrs at the hospital while waiting for my boss wife daughter to discharge lah .
so tired .
now also feel so sleepy .
no films to watch .
ehh ...
wait ...
got !!!
ytd juz downloaded transporter 3!!!
whahahhahaha !!!
and mama mia .
yayayya .
so freaky happy lah huh .
go watch le .
tata .
muackz dar .
i miss u .
hope time faster pass .
next week muz force myself go work .
cannot stay here .
no money .
no money how to go bak sg asap .
sob .

why things are getting so complicated now .
one thing settle,
another thing come .
i forever wun hav any peace de .
i am so tired .
what can i do now .
i dunno .
in a lost .
teach me .
tell me .
what should i do ..
ahhhh ...
i dunno ....
nd sometime to think thru my probs .
sigh .
sux .

omg .
i realise somethng .
there are so many ppl reading my blog .
cause there are so many ppl who i nvr mention to them abt my small one.
ask me how is my baby .
zzz .
omg .
but they all nvr tag .
so i din knw till now .
surprisingly .
hahah .

since i now have dardar,
i no longer pin on any miracle on i and him .
tho he is slightly better now .
but its too late le .
i and him its impossible le .
i wun think of anything else .
wun bother of anything else .
except for dardar .
hee .
dardar knws hw much i love him can le .

all those misunderstanding between i and bb is cleared .
oh ya .
i have patched with my bb .
who is kenny lee
we used to b tgr but due to some misunderstanding,
we ended up our r/s .
and we din contact .
but only till recently,
we contacted back,
i am happy to b with him again .
dardar,
i am so sad tt i once lost u .
but now i have u back,
i will treasure u lots lots .
i will faster book air ticket then go back okie .
then we two go cycling, dating tgr okie .
my bday is coming in less than a mth .
whee .
i am juz so excited and happy .
hahahhaha .
my boss assured me that this job will kip for me .
till i get better .
i dun nd to worry .
i am so happy .
reali happy .
probably my boss wife spoke nice words for me .
=D
i will treasure what i have now .
esp my dardar .
realised tt till now,
u are not forgotten dardar .
muackie
ps: promise dardar to stop smoking .
hee .
will try lah .
i dun buy anymre ciggy le kk.
last two packs .
wah .
tell u all hor .
dardar super power lei .
i nvr tell him i update blog,
he knw i update blog lor .
i haven say anything,
he also knw what i want to say loh .
haha .
scared sia .
=D

can u imagine .
its alrdy 4 am but .
yet i cannot slp .
kip coughing and coughing .
having slight asthma .
juz so fark lah hor .
and he is there farking slping .
dun bother and care loh .
fark lah .
i am soooooooooo ........
forget it man .

suddenly,
at this moment .
i jsut wish to have some silence ard me .
i want to runaway from every single thing ard me nw .
make myself cool down first.
but .
i have alrdy not much time left .
haiz .
mon gg for check up again .
hopefully .
everything is fine .
sorry no mood to blog .
tdy i look at him,
suddenly i lost of words .
my heart and mind wanted to say so much things .
but .
nth came out from my mouth .
hai .
i dunno hw lng can i tolerate lk tt .
mayb by tt time,
my heart, mind and body will appear some illness .
mentally retarded .
lols .
cya!
ciaoz
^^

seriously,
i reali wonder how long can i last in this r/s
i am getting so tired each day .
just now,
tt gurl kip calling and calling .
i so pissed off loh .
but .
yet i have to act lk nth happen .
i dunno how long can i tolerate .
i want to give up le .
but .
i cannot do it .
i dunno lah .
thinking tt i will b gg back at may .
i think i will try to tolerate loh .
till my most extent .
gonna start work next mon le .
bored ~
time for air rival again
=D
ta

dar suddenly came home juz nw .
i tot why .
bring me food .
but hor .
no leh .
he came home to take some biscuits out to his car to eat .
lols .
cause they nvr cook anything .
haiz .
dunno lah .
i kanna shocked by him lah .
by the sudden appearance .
wah lao .
bobby .
u ah .
scared me lei .
u disappear for so long le .
suddenly appear back .
lols .
i nth to say liao lah .
happy to know that u nvr forget me lah .
hee .
aiya .
my air rival now lvl 20 le .
whee.
so freaking happy lah .
tata .
video conferencing with my frenz .
told shirlin will blog almost everyday .
haha .
seriously lah .
i knw i am being used .
but sometimes,
he reali make me feel so xin fu .
i dunno whether this xin fu is true anot ,
how long will it last.
but i dun reali dun bother.
as long as i am happy now can le .
aiya.
my mind in a mess lah .

well .
dar this few days so guai lohx .
everyday come home on time loh .
12 sure reach home de loh .
but he got talk on the phone with her lah .
sigh .
so shld i b happy?
i oso dunno why loh .
he so nice nice to me .
haiz .
after i sent him tt all i want is a happy and best memory,
he has been reali nice and sweet to me .
i dunno lah .
heart and mind in a mess .
when he nvr come home after work,
i unhappy.
but now,
he come home after work,
i also unhappy .
haiz .
i also dunno what i want lah .
haiz .
juz so sux loh .
dar went out again .
to see his mother .
but i knw this time is true lah .
ytd he himself says 2 days nvr go see his mother le .
which means ytd he went to meet the gurl lah .
which is abit obvious loh .
but fuck care lah .
been talking to xy this few days for few hrs on the phone
wah lao .
reali enjoy myself man .
i think dar is wondering who am i talking to .
cause he ask me who am i calling .
i said fren loh .
i dunno lah .
he lk not happy i keep calling to ppl lei .
i dunno lah .
just so lost.
been talking to shirlin on msn as well .
miss the good old days .
both of us will go kbox tgr,
chilll tgr,
etc .
when i back,
i gonna catch up with everyone man .
bored lah~
gonna start work next mon le .
my boss ask me to start work .
went to see doc .
doc said try not to give too much pressure to my leg .
wah lao eh .
every doc says diff thing lei .
stupid .
tata .
go play air rival le . nice lei the game!

i think i am not so wei da afterall .
whenever dar talk to tt gurl,
or tt gurl call,
i tot i am able to tell myself ,
just treat it as their conversation is empty .
but .
ytd i felt so jealous and upset .
haiz .
i am a human not to say a girl!
ytd talk to xy for 5 hrs sia .
then dar said when he came back,
u knw u have been talking on the phone for 5 hrs .
power sia .
ermmx
talk until our phone no batt,bluetooth no batt .
haha .
but reali miss the good old times lah .
during this 5 hrs i have been trying to call u thru .
boss wants to knw whether can i work anot lor .
i told him lor .
not i dun wan,
i wan,
i can use clutches to work .
but is boss dun wan me to .
so .
anw,
dar wants to go to london again la ,
i asked him this time drive or take public transport,
he said drive.
he said go see his mum in hospital lah .
ya lor .
see mum in hospital nd to bring a "a newly reformatted" lappy go lah huh.
and bring bags of things which is not buying for her de lor .
and nd to shave himself neat lah .
u think i fucking stupid or idiot to bluff huh .
meet tt gurl say meet tt gurl lah .
tt gurl become ur mum liao lah .
fuck u lah .
then u call her mother lah .
wah lao eh .
i am nt fucking stupid lah hor .
b honest .
wah lao eh .
i am so fucking disapointed lah

i think i am gettin pro in typing .
i doesn't need to see the screen to type lor .
haha .
dar says what u typing .
cause while i am watching show,
i am typing msn.
lols .
cool huh .
so dar doesn't know what am i typing to ppl .
aiya,
dunno lahx .
i feel so lost lor .
so many ppl scold me stupid .
stupid and foolish .
i can just leave tt guy as he cheat on me .
but .
not i nvr try to leave,
but failed to .
i tried to .
but cannot .
just sucks lah .
i just want to stay by his side happily b4 i go back.
told my frenz tt,
then they say,
u everyday cry ,
u ask urself u reali happy meh .
haiz .
i have alrdyx no mre strength to think so much liao lor .
haiz .
just want to have the best memory i have b4 i go bak .
i want to see him as much as possible b4 i go back.
i am stupid and silly.
but .
i m willing to do so .
haiz .
=)

tdy,
he said if i tell u by wed u cannot stay here,
how ah .
i said ok lor, like tt lor .
haiz .
sobx .
seriously lah.
my leg ok le lah .
but .
i want to stay at his hse .
cause .
staying at his hse is so nice and wonderful .
i afraid if he knows i ok,
dun wan me to stay here .
haiz .
tdy he is so bz .
have so many fone calls .
i dunno who call .
and dun wish to know .
wanted to tell him next time dun pick up any calls .
but i am thinking .
if got urgent call how .
sigh .
i dun wan to be so direct saying,
next time the girl call dun ans when i m beside u.
i dunno la .
but he reali nice to me ytd and tdy lah.

felt so sweet ytd .
after i sms dar the 4 pages long text .
he is so freaking nice to me lor .
hah .
hug me to watch show tgr .
bring me water .
hug me to slp .
which he din do for very lng liao lor .
i felt so sweet to slp his arms .
wake up in his arms as well,
look into his eyes and talk to him .
the feeling is just so nice .
tho .
now .
he talking on the phone probably to that girl .
which i think 90% is .
my heart and mind drop to sadness once again.
but i told myself not to think too much lah .
so .
trying not to think .
will try to remain happy .
=)

this post will be abt family .
was rading my past blog .
in my mind was my family .
seriously .
i rmb 4 yrs ago,
i promised them to bring them here .
but .
i dun think i can keep my promise .
i so much wanted them to come .
but .
there are too many things unexpected happening ard me now .
i dun wish to stay at uk any further .
i wan to go back asap .
hopefully tmr .
but .
its impossible .
cause i still nd to save money for my courses and ticket .
who ask me last time nvr save .
haiz .
i dunno lah .
i really miss my daddy and family alot .
so frenz,
if ur family members are by ur side,
plz treasure them .
cause they are the one who will stay by ur side no matter what happens .
i realised how impt i am in their heart .
my 2nd bro stayed by my side,
understand me,
support me at this point of time .
they are all so freat to have!
is my fortunate to have them .
i have learnt to treasure them .
and i will .
please bless my family in good health .
give me ample of time to repay them now .
tried to "die" just now,
wah lao eh .
hard lor .
stop breathing for few secs,
i felt like i gonna die and breathless liao .
haha .
so xing ku when u die lor .
i dun wan to die anymore .
lols!
bored .
ta .
go try out new game .
that time cannot play .

there are so many ppl asking me how is my valentine .
i said .
i got nth but anger and wait and disappointment in him.
seriously,
i wanted to ask him who am i to u .
but i realise,
there is no point asking him .
cause if he wants to fool ard with me,
he will have lots of excuse .
so i din ask anything in the end .
probably in 3 mths time,
i will say welcome sg .
hahahhaha .
i am just so freaking excited okays!
he is gg to london once again later .
haiz .
i nvr say anything
or i wun say anything.
its his own legs and car .
he control them himself .
even i say no,
he might go behind my back .
anw
tata .
i go watch show liao .
or rather surf web .
=D

too bored .
so kept here to blog .
what is there to blog?
oh ya .
i now learning and starting to play this game air-rival .
quite nice tho .
haha .
uk is such a bored country lah .
miss my family and frenz in sg .
sigh .
glad to hear tt my bro is gettin fine .
but somehow,
i am still worried for him .
cause he and my sis in law still not "patch" lor .
and it is abt 6 mths liao .
haiz .
i dunno lah .
my sis in law refused to on her hp.
i think she got another boy outside ba .
she so chio .
and clever and got fig .
haiz .
luckily,
i still have one family photo .
well not reali family photo lah .
dun have my stupid 2nd bro and my sis in law .
i was looking at my wishing list .
i was hoping to get married at age 25.
i am alrdyx now 23.
is it possible for it to fulfil?
i dunno lah.
want to have my own family .
is it possible?
dunno lah .
tata .
i go watch show liao le lor .
muackie to my frenz and him.

u know hw i feel when i cannot get hold of u .
my stomach and leg pain is small matter .
but my heart is very very pain .
pain until i have no feeling anymore
i cried .
finally after controlling for so long .
i let it out .
wah lao .
eerie lei .
the horoscope in a magazine so true lor .
wah lao .
scary .
it says "give him the benefit of the doubt. you may be tempted not to believe what he says and dig deeper to try and uncover the facts. but this is not the right time. take what he says at face value. putting your trust and faith in him is a wise move, as doing so in your r/s will help you become more loving. if you act suspicious, you could cause long-term damage to your love. let go of your fears."
wah lao .
so zhun lor .
shld i follow what it says.
it is hard .
haiz .
i dunno lah .

now is alrdyx 1pm .
he is not back .
haiz .
i think he is enjoying himself with tt gal ba .
sigh .
my feeling just so sucks .
why am i always so silly .
silly to stick with a guy who doesn't love me .
haiz .
anw .
how is ur v day tdy?
for those whu are sweetly in love,
i think ur bf/gf will give u nice and sweet surprises ba .
haiz .
for those whu are not in love,
dun worry ,
u will find the right one when times come .
jyxjyz everyone .
haiz .
my dad bday .
called him .
my whole family are all outside enjoying themselves .
at orchard .
sigh .
how i wish i could be part of them .
i am reali thinking.
if tt time on the 24th nov,
i went back sg and not staying here .
probably things will not be like tt now ba .
haiz .
but time cannot turn back .
i really regret not choosing to go back tt time .
why does i want to listen to him .
haiz .
i dunno .
i am in a lost now .
no matter what happens,
this time i will choose to leave him quietly .
i will only say goodbye to him on the day i leave uk for good .
=)
omg!
one fucking big problem .
i htinkmy luggage is overweight.
shit!
i think to send back somethings b4 i go back,
or else sure die de lor.

can anyone kindly explain to me why .
why i felt so lousy even tho i expect he will leave me alone on v day at home .
why i still feel so upset even i told myself not to bother .
seriously .
i dunno .
i really dunno .
my heart breaks into into millions and millions of pieces .
i am so upset .
i tried to b happy .
but .
i somehow cannot do it .
i know he is meetin tt girl for 100% sure .
i am really very upset .
heart is crying .
but there are alrdyx no more tears from my body and eyes .
haiz .
what could i do .
i am just a third party .
tts what everyone telling me tt .
i have no position of saying and questioning anything .
i have been telling myself tt i m just playing him and .
makin used of him to care for me .
but somehow i wanted more .
am i greedy enuff .
i dunno .
my mind is in a whirl .

hmm .
was reading my old old old blog .
when i was with raymond .
well .
seriously
if compare to raymond,
i know that this guy i have now is so much better than him .
just tt .
haiz .
after i text dar abt tt,
he din make any call her .
i think he knows what i mean ba .
seriously,
everyone says he is so nice and caring and anxious for me .
perhaps he really love me .
jsut tt that girl(kat) he yet to forget and let go .
well,
thats the case .
what is the point of getting so serious lor .
anw .
i went to the doc today .
the doc ask me to move even it is pain .
and gave me painkiller .
wanted to do another test .
but they said the earliest is mon .
so well .
again,
have to wait .
is dar really going to meet tt girl tmr?
seriously,
i dun wish so .
but if he insists,
i think i could do nth lor,
i guess dar wun have anything for me at all ba .
he will feel it is a waste of money .
but .
its our first valentine tgr .
haiz .
i dunno lah .
perhaps will be our last .
somehow i will go back to sg .
i dunno lah .
i alrdyx tell myself not to think so much liao lor .
but somehow .
i still hope for something miracle to happen to me .
haiz .
tdy is my daddy bday .
2 yrs i nvr celebrate his bday with him .
i reali miss those days our family used to have .
how good will it be .
if neither of us (i mean my bros and me lah) nvr grow up,
at least the five of us will be forever happy .
haha .
but it is impossible de lah .
dar is finishing his work in an hr time .
haiz .
this is the first time i call my bf by his name and not dar or dear or baby or what .
haiz .
felt weird lah .
perhaps tts the way it shld be ba .
tmr starting work le .
sianz lor .
but no choice .
scared tmr very bz cause sat and its v day .
oh ya .
its black fri .
well .
at this point nth bad happen to me ba .
just tt .
dar purposely move my leg away .
and i am fucking screaming away lor .
haiz .
he so bad lah .
always lk to tease me de lor .
boo .
but i love him just tt way .
hee.

seeing doc later.
wish me gd luk .
haha .
do i sound happy than last time?
lols

he said he is going to his mum hse on this sat which is a valentine's day .
i told myself not ot bother .
its fine .
but .
somehow . .
my tears drop just now .
i text him just now .
i told him .
i dunno and dun wish to know whether u really love me or not . and on sat are u going to ur mum hse or gg out with this gal name kat . i dun wish to know . i text u to let u know that i am not a fucking stupid girl . i kept quiet doesn't mean i dunno anything .
he din reply .
just bought a card for him on valentine day .
tho i knw he have another girl outside,
i am so stupid enuff to do all these things .
he said waste money .
i dunno whether he lk or not .
i am not going to bother .
cause i am too tired to bother .
how i really hope he will celebrate v day with me .
but .
all hopes are dash .
i dunno .
i DON'T WANT to think anymore .
i am really tired .
sick .
tmr gg for check up.
hopefully things will be fine .
girls are not stupid at all .
just tt sometime girls will choose to be stupid .
so guys .
stop fucking think tt u are so clever to lie to girls !
just fuck off .
i dunno why i am so angry .
but .
haiz .
i have told him i know abt kat this girl long time ago .
but he haven reply .
i hope for any reply .
i reali just want to b happy for my last three months here .
i am definitely going back .
my heart reali aches .
too pain .
probably i will create a new email .
a more formal email for those formal things .
lk resume or what .
haha .
oh ya .
i managed to contact bak Mr Kelvin Tan .
omg!
he tot i am married in sg!
omg!
omg!
omg!
he said he heard from one of our classmates tt i am getting married!
i cannot believe it!
had some chats with him.
he so shocked i called him .
lols .
really miss those days in ite .
boring but fun .
short but sweet.
hopefully when the next time i study,
it will be tt fun again .
lols .
tata .
go watch show le .
buaiz

talking to my dearest nu er on the phone .
the feeling is weird but nice .
a nice touch up/
ahiz .
missing the old days .
can u imagine .
ur love one talking to opposite sex sweetly in his rm .
while u r in his/her living rm .
yes,
he is doing tt now lor .

it is so weird.
called angie today .
somehow and somewhere,
we seems like a stranger .
no longer like last time .
haiz .
the feeling is just not nice tho .
perhaps we separated too far and long .
anw .
i think he scared i outside got guy .
cause this two days,
i kip calling raymond ma.
then recently,
he so sweet talk to me .
talk to me so nicely.
and just now .
he just suddenly come out .
like want to spot check or surprise me .
wah lao eh .
really kanna shocked lor .
probably,
everything is all i think .
probably he just too bored there,
and want to get his ds .
i dunno .
dun wish to know and think anymore .
tired~
just want to be happy for my last 3 mths here .
cause probably i wun ever able to come to uk .
till i save lots lots lots of money in sg .
so its simply impossible .
somehow now .
i really kind of she bu de my collugues .
our working r/s are so good .
i really she bu de .
esp gu ma, and "mama"
they brought me lots of laughters and memories .
well .
i think i gonna get something for them b4 i go back ba .
he said tdy to me .
faster get ok .
or else how we can go out tgr .
i dun understand .
if he dun love me and have other girl outside,
why can't i have other guys outside and he still so care .
i seriously dunno why .
probably think too much again nia .
haha .
i am fine my dear frenz .
have u all bought presents for ur loved one?
hope u all did .
cause i nvr .
i had no chance to .
probably tmr or what i will go to the supermarket nearby to get something for him .
i nd to see my situation .
i not sure .
haiz .

suddenly,
flashes of memories went in my mind .
i miss those sweet old days i used to have .
no worries.
no anger .
no nth .
haiz .
but tt could only be my past .
i cannt 100% go back to those lovely days .
till my next life .
probably going back to sg at end of may this yr .
still thinking .
haha .
for good .
my frenz are so happi to hear tt .

i am so proud of myself .
ytd i was all alone at home the whole day .
i cried and cried after i seen the sms from his phone .
but when he came back from outside ytd night,
i look at him.
i managed not to think and cry!
i am just so proud of myself .
from now till may,
i am jsut going to enjoy myself .
sat is valentine day .
i dunno what will he get or do for me .
i guess nth ba .
i wun think .
i guess i am used to him by my side now le .
cause without him snoring or at the hse,
i felt so weird .
haiz .
but anw .
nvm .
i sitll love him .
but .
i will slowly slowly let go till i go back to sg.
i WILL NEVER EVER force him to answer any of my doubts .
or i wun suspect him anymre .
coz i am too tired .
i felt so terrible .
i just let it go .
be it he just treat me as a sex object ,
girlfriend,
partner,
friend,
collugues,
or what ever .
it will NEVER EVER be a problem .
it is hard .
but i can do it .
jyxjyx sherin!
yaya !
talk to raymond ytd night .
miss the days we had in his office .
tho everyday quarrel and quarrel and cry cry .
but .
it is a nice memory to rmb .
and i will rmb .
how he cooko for me,
bring me for supper,
my bday chalet,
etc .
it is a sweet but sad memory .
i told him,
last time u have me u dun treasure,
now u dun have me, u said u want to have me .
its all too late .
perhaps at this moment nia .
yes, i talk at his hse with him ard .
cause if he is not going to bother what and how i feel,
then why i muz bother!
go fuck urself man!

i need sometime to cool down for i and his r/s .
but at the mean time,
i will treat as nth has happen .
i will just have some deep tots .
i will just go missing .
anything .
leave me a tag or comment or msn .
i will reply asap .
sorry frenz .

why .
why whenever i am determine to do something .
something or what will stop me .
and let me think again .
when i determine to just let go .
he called .
and talk so nicely to me .
ask me whether have i eaten .
how am i .
and he said he wish to come back tonight .
why .
aiya .
i dunno again .
i dun think le .
i go watch movie le .
tata

probably .
i should silent brk with him .
cause i bear to leave him in open .
probably .
i will go back to sg quietly .
probably .
that will be the best thing for me to do .
i have ask 5 ppl for advise .
all ask me to leave him .
he is a funny guy .
but .
i really cannot bare to .
probably when i go back sg,
i will forget about him totally .
probably .
i wun tell him when i am leaving anymore .
i will just kip silence .
my heart is dead .
i am just too disappointed .
and more over .
in sg,
i have plenty of frenz !!
who support me all the way .
whoo .
as for my little one .
ii will abort it .
sorry little one .
i will wait till my leg is better,
then arrange for abortion .
and will save some money for studies and go back !
probably not soo fast lah !
need sometimes .
probably,
i will just treat as i play with him .
its so nice to play with someone .
if i managed to pass this round,
in the future if there is anything happening,
i think i will cope myself .
cause i cannot rely on ppl anymore .
grow up girl .
be strong .
or probably i should confront the girl .
but xy said its not the girl's fault,
the problem lies wit him .
cause if this girl dun exist,
probably,
there will be coming out A, B, C girls in the future .
i dunno .
and ultimately,
i want to have my own family,
and if he cannot give me my expectations,
he is not the guy i want .
i am in a lost .
but anw ,
dunno why so many ppl ask me to go back this week .
lols!!!!!
i am so happy,
so happy that my frenz din abandon me even i left sg and came here .
glad to have true frenz ard me .
like wht mdm long said,
i deserve a better guy .
i want a better guy .
yes,
he treats me nice,
but so what.
he dun even know who he loves,
what is the point of going on .
so probably,
at this moment,
i will just kip quiet .
just take is as normal .
till a day,
i want to leave uk,
then on that day,
i will tell him .

seriously .
i am in a lost .
i saw his hp .
with a text which says "i love you bkk"
what is tt .
and the girl sent a text said " bla bla, i o u law"
what is that .
haiz .
i dunno .
i love you .
i dunno .
why .

why recently so many in sg ask me to go back .
lols .
i miss u all as well .
but i cannot simply let go the things here at this moment of time .
i think i am moving in to dardar hse .
lols .
even my leg is okay .
he said u want to be housewife .
i said no lah .
wah lao .
dam boring de lor .
housewife .
zzz .
he wish sia .
i dunno lah .
ask him a question .
why he everyday talk on the phone .
he just simply like to avoid .
refused to answer .
why .
haiz
he will just say .
ya lor .
he always like tt de lor .
haiz .
i dunno lah .
dardar is out again .
to bank then to my bossie house to help him make com .
dardar said he will be back by 1pm .
hopefully .
missing him now .
sobx .

haiz .
my mind is in a mess .
i am at dardar hse now blogging .
lols .
i fell down .
liagament torn .
using clutches .
ahh .
so fuckiing pain .
suppose to take x-ray ytd at hospital .
but cause i have baby .
so cannot .
sucks lah .
i dunno lah .
haiz .
why he alawys like so busy .
keep talking to a girl name kat .
i dunno .
but my "mama" said that kat is their "jie mei" .
but i dunno .
i dun like it .
i am jealous .
seriously jealous .
haiz .
i keep wondering .
at the end of the day .
if i were forced to give up or forget dardar .
can i do it .
i can't .
unless i leave uk and go back singapore .
i am in a mess .
dardar sometimes treat me very nice .
but sometimse .
just sucks lah .
i dun blog le .
no mood .
reali want to die .
die tgr with my baby .
haiz .

we are ended .
and it is relaly ended .
he said lets cool down .
thats good .
at least when we cool down ,
after i abort my baby,
i know what to do with us .
my mind is in a mess .
i dunno .
miss wq .
why .
what am i thinking actually .
i reali dunno .
i want to die .
really die will be better for me then .

i feel like going back to singapore.
i dunno .
but dar dar dun wan me to go back .
he hopes me to stay .
but .
why .
he likes to lie to me again and again .
i gave him chance again and again .
but he nvr cherish the chances i gave him .
i cried in his hse ytd
at this point of time,
i really want to give up .
give up on him .
duan tong bu ru chang tong .
really .
perhaps this will be the best way for both .
i dunno .
sometimes i wonder .
if i nvr come uk,
perhaps i and wq is happily engaged or what now .
everything is perfect .
just because i came here .
wq and i brk up .
he promised to wait for me to go back .
but why .
why every guy like to brk their promises to me .
why every guy like to say empty promises .
why every guy like to make me love them and then brk my heart like nobody business .
why .
why .
i want to go back .
at least it is the only way i could give up on him .
cause facing him everyday ,
he will try to make me laugh .
i dunno .
i am so confused .
i reali hope to run away from him .
i dun wan to hear his voice .
i dun wan to see his face .
i told him ytd not to treat me nice ,
at least i have a reason to give up .
but he just hugged me very tight .
regardless what i mention .
i then told him .
if u dun let me go tonight,
u are not going to let go forever .
he kept quiet and just hugged me tight .
i dunno .
he doesn't talk anything out from his heart .
i have been always guessing and guessing .
TIRED .
i decided to abort this little one .
and i have confirmed .
i will arrange a date soon .
without letting him know .
cause he said if i have,
we will marry immediately and no delay .
but i dun wan to have this kind of marriage .
so i will abort .
tata .
to wq, u take good care .
we are the history .
i dunno whether can we be future .
but definitely not the present .
u dun think too much .
wish u all the best in everything u do .