i and him have been tgr for a month .
i think so .
cause .
we doesn't seems to have an official date tgr .
from the start ,
we seems to be like a couple .
going out to eat and shop .
but din hold hands or what .
but only one month ago .
i dunno .
he is a nice guy .
a reali nice guy .
but in his heart does he only love me .
or he loves more than one .
i dunno .
i dun wish to guess no more .
i am tired .
i just wish to be happy every single day .
i am not going to bother what is going to happen .
cause if i nvr think of all this,
we are reali very xin fu de lors .
happy couple tgr .
but .
somehow .
i feel he is two headed snake .
i dunno.
how i wish my six sense is wrong .
my collugues all said we both very match lors .
they all can see he so care about me and love me nors .
but .
i dunno .
perhaps .
i am comparing .
comparing him to wq .
haiz .
two days ago .
i am so dead fucking drunk .
that is my second time drunk .
i rmb my first time .
is at sg kbox .
haha .
i was so dead drunk tt day until i took a knife and chopped the chopping board .
put my head in the gas stove and wanted to kill myself .
perhaps i reali hate myself .
i shou and scream .
shouting for his name .
wanting him to come .
he just left a few sec ago lahs .
i dunno .
what am i thinking .
didi i reali love him .
or i dun love him but .
just treating him like an entertainer who can entertain me when i am bored .
but why .
why do i so bother about his actions.
and os worried about him when he nvr sms or call me .
sigh .
suckx .
i think i am pregnant .
i dunno .
missed my period for a week .
so scared .
about the pregnancy kit .
haiz .
dun wan to test .
i am scared of the result .
sigh .
what is he thiking .
i reali dunno .
haiz .
i am so frustrated .
hope to kill myself and end everything .
ta .
go smoke .
so fan

happy cny peeps .
i din know he read my blog .
haiz .
anw .
i jsut went to casino to eat buffet .
so full lahs .
with my whole lots of collugues lor .
fun lahs .
darling got go as well .
hbut .
he in the car make me angry .
i talk then he said shut up lahs .
he nvr ever talk to me like tt de lor .
then just now eating .
my boss said to me.
he can bring u home de mahs later .
then he said got u (boss) can le .
wah lao .
sad lor .
i ji tao angry lor .
then i walk away .
he came and said sorry .
i said sorry no use lah .
anw .
dun bother .
ytd had a chat with him about my unhappiness .
he said he know what to do .
so we shall give us time to see .
i shall not think too much .
reali de very tired to think de lors .
haiz .
i realise .
i have reali fallen for him .
i so worried for him jut now .
cause he looks so tired .
and he needs to drive .
reali worried lor .
haiz .
glad that he knows i am worried .
=)
i know he is nice .
he wants to treat me and everyone else nice .
but am i the only one stands out in his heart and mind .
or .
but i know if i ask him,
he will say see the situation .
he is a nice nice guy .
reali nice .
perhaps i think too much .
everyone has their own friend .
just like me .
why can't he have his own friend .
just like when wq or whoever sms me,
i wun let him see or knw .
but i dunno why i think tt way .
but i dun wan myself to regret in the future .
he is a silly nice guy .
anw .
i wanna go watch show le .
tmr off !!
whee .
thinkign whether to go to uncle chris hse anotx lah .
i still dunno .
scared cannot wake up sia .
lols .

its ended .
everything is ended .
i have end our r/s .
cause i am tired .
tired of guessing what is in his mind .
i dun wan to torture myself anymore .
told him .
let us be frenz or working collugues .
i am tired .
i want to give up .
perhaps he is not my cup of tea .
i am not his cup of tea .
or probably .
he had alrdyx met his cup of tea .
bye for now .

am i having some problems with my thinking and mind .
i dunno what i want .
haiz .
help .
i know darling is nice to me .
but .
as usual i suspect he have other girls outside .
haiz .
i dunno .
but whenever i am unhappy,
he will try to coax me and make me smile .
it is sweet .
nobody did that to me before .
like today i am angry with him .
for not making his promise .
then did not talk to him and look at him the whole day .
but .
he kept looking .
i said .
ncie to look meh .
look what .
he said ya lah . i dun mind and happy to look for my rest of my life .
zzz .
does he love me or does he not love me .
i dunno .
i always been guessing what is going on in his mind .
i can't seemed to catch his thinking .
but my "mama" said,
she know him for so long ,
she also dunno what he thinks .
how can i know .
haiz .
i dunno .
he have problems dun talk to me .
i have problems he wants me to share with him .
haiz .
but i want him to share his problems with me too .
tho i cannot help much lahs .
but at least sshare tgr will not be too much stress .
i dunno lahz .
he called and tell me tmr go eat breakfast tgr and go for shopping at supermarket .
dunno lahz .
i dun wan to rely on him anymore .
i want to learn independent .
i am afraid .
if i am too rely on him,
one day i lost him,
i will die without him .
so i told myself .
if he dun call, i wun call .
this is to prevent myself from hurting myself further .
anw .
i am done ranting .
nights nights .
seriously .
i do miss darling now .
wants to hug him to sleep .
haiz .
2 days nvr hug him to slp slp le .
haiz .
sobx .
loves .

is anybody there?
i think i am in love .
omg .
with someone who is bigger by 15 yrs old than me .
zzz .
i dunno .
i know ppl says that age doesn't matter anything .
he treats me reali reali good .
reali care about me .
concern about me .
help me .
protect me .
take good care of me .
he is a good guy .
doesn't gamble, smoke, drink, go for prostitute .
i dunno .
my collugues can see that he reali love me .
ppl says .
he might ask me to stay in uk and marry me .
i dunno .
such a big gap .
i reali have no confidence at all .
that time raymond .
only 8 yrs of difference .
we quarrel non-stop .
i am tired .
but i know truely .
that this one is the only one who became from collugues to frenz to lover .
not like those in sg .
its my reali true first love .
shld i be happy .
i dunno .
he told me that he dun like me to smoke and spend money on not necessary items .
i will change if he proved to me that he is true about me .
anw .
i am so unlucky .
ytd drank alot .
cause i am very unhappy .
then he called me and my phone dropped in the toilet bowl .
sucks lor .
spoil liao .
haiz .
sad lah .
lucky not the new phone .
or else i will cry lahs .
i go slp le .
this few days been spending at his house overnight playing .
didn't realy slp well .
i miss him .
omg .
die .
dead .
poof .
does anyone can guess who am i saying?
whahah .
secret .
if i married here, i will invite u all de .
dun worry .
whaha .