i always tot bf wil be bz with his games ,
till he wun care for me .
but i am so wrong .
he has been reading my blog everyday without fail .
every time once he on his com .
he did nt say anything abt my posts is becauuse .
he felt nth to say .
just like ytd night (my uk time),
he suddenly told me by the time u come back, baby can talk liao .
lols .
i knew he had read it .
then ask him he nt jealous meh .
i miss my ex not him .
he said i say so clearly liao .
wan jealous also cannot lor .
haha .
bf is a understanding bf .
reasonable bf .
perhaps its because of money .
if he call or sms me everyday,
it will be very exp for him .
and i am grateful .
he will make an effort to sms me every night he sleeps .
one short little msg from him,
makes my day .

oh ya .
i gg london with ivy tmr !!!!
whee .
gg to shop shop shop .
and take lots of pic .
so happy lor .
gonna post the pic when i am back .
hee .
missing bf so much .
sobx .

suddenly this few days .
i am starting to miss wq instead of bf .
dun ask me why .
i will wan to know the ans too .
probably its because he is the last one who really gave me happiest and no worries b4 i came to eng .
probably its because those times i reali treasured alot b4 i left my hometown .
all those moments will pop up in my mind .
those ktv, mj sessions, kpool, chill, movies, shopping, ton at his hse, etc .
tho it is just as short as 3 mths .
but a nice sweet three months .
i knew he had put in effort .
i mean now .
if i know he had put in lots of effort last time,
what will the things be now .
might be different .
i might not meet my bf .
but it may not be the best .
and its past i cannot look at anymore .
so i will get onto it .
sometimes bf do reali make me happy .
but .
sometimes i reali dun understand him at all .
mayb i yet to get used .
and its a lng dis r/s .
it might be like tt .
so might as well accept it .
bf every day sms me b4 he sleeps .
but like i say i nvr sms or call me till he sms me .
its hard .
but i will try .
cause i dun wan to get hurt anymore liao lor .
angelia .
jyx k .
help me to pass a msg to my ai ren .
tell her i miss her lots !!!!
those mj sessions we had at her grandma place .
and the baby boy!!
hahaha .
looking forward to those wonderful sessions again .
=D

who do i live for now .
what do i live for now .
i have no answers to any of those questions .
sigh .
perhaps i am a useless girl .
why am i here again .
dunno .
why am i being used again and again .
sometimes i hope the time will stop .
so i wun go back to my heartlost land .
but sometimes .
i hope time pass faster .
so i can see my family .
reali miss my mum's food .
can't eager to eat .
but .
sigh .
think he no longer read my blog anymre .
nvm .
like i say i wun sms or call him anymore .

i so much wanted him to understand me .
i reali so much wanted .
but he .
probably our char dun match at all ba .
if its a perfectly match couple,
there wun be any prob at all .
but us .
prob had been coming again and again .
over again and again .
i am reali gettin no more strength to continue on this r/s anymore .
so .
i wun sms u anymore .
i wun call u anymore .
till the day u want to contact then contact .
but dun regret by the time ,
i might dun wish to hear ur voice anymore .
might .
so .
u can play ur game all u like .
its ur freedom .
and u take good care of urself .

p/s to my all readers: (probably nobody)
i will be mia for quite sometimes . i nd to cool down . sorry ah . byes .

i am considering of closing down my blog le .
cause i find it no point to blog my feelings and tots anymore .
how much i say .
what i say .
u does not understand me at all .
i am reali too disappointed in u lor .
so i think i dun wan to blog anymore le .
all u think is gaming and gaming .
or mayb i will still blog but changing my address or pw protected lor .
haiz .
i dunno lah .
lost .
do whatever u like .

why does guys like to know other girls when they are married or attached .
haiz .
why .
why doesn't they think of what will their wife or gf feels .
sigh .
i am so upset .
so many questions .
but i noe i shldn't be so doubtful .
haiz .
i wan to ask him .
but yet i dunno shld i anot .
its his freedom .
if he wants to add,
even i ask or say anything ,
he will still add .
but .
i am upset .
all my ex are the same .
are u like them as well .
haiz .
PS: rmb to eat ur medi .

its all a misunderstanding .
dar have been trying to sms me all this while .
but .
just tt i forget i put his name as block number .
i wanna try ma .
does it reali works .
sorry dar .
all my fault .
i tot u dun bother about me liao .
but i am very happy that u are anxious .
u on ur com just to find me at msn cause u can't get me .
muackz .
love u bits .
dar sorry ah .
ur nose how liao .
ok le ma .
i know its my fault to treat u like tt .
but i relai dun like the feeling of being neglect lor .
hope u understand la .
hee .
ate thai food .
so nan chi lor !
lols .
but luckily i share with my collugues .
half half each .
hee .
today bz was alright .
so fast .
abt 4 more days .
and i am leaving here .
haiz .
and 2 mre mths .
i am comin back home !
whee !!!!
reali very very happy and excited lor!!!!!
spend all my money again .
sigh .
can i reali save???
haiz .
love u dar .

sigh .
i sms u .
but got no reply .
dunno whether u did not received my sms .
or u replied .
but i nvr receive .
or u received .
but nvr reply .
haiz .
what is going with us now .
reali wonder .
sigh .
reali upset .
went to buy birthday card for my aunt .
came back .
my boss ask me .
don tell me u go drink again huh .
lols .
i say no lah .
he laugh .
lols .
my boss could be funny at times tho .
haha .
i reali miss him alot .
but what could i do .
but to wait for the time to pass .
like a tortoise .
oh ya .
angelia .
if u are reading my blog,
do take care of urself k .
don't think so much .
what is urs will be urs .

haha .
know how to encourage ppl .
but myself .
in deep shit .
haiz .
i hate myself for loving u .
haiz .
is true love hard to find .
haiz .
i start to wonder .
if u found true love,
is it tough to maintain .
the prob with us is not abt trust anymore.
i used to have not trusting all my bfs .
and causes a brk up .
but u .
dunno why i just trust u .
the prob is perhaps .
we hardly have any communication .
and all u do is to escape when i ask a question .
but mayb u are right .
u dun wan me to think too much .
tts why .
but u think by escaping my question,
u will not let me think too much meh .
u are wrong lor .
haiz .
oh ya .
this fri,
i gg to drink with ivy .
lols .
i go rest liao .

sometimes i wonder what am i to u .
reali dunno .
and i am reali curious to know .
sometimes u treat me like a princess .
sometimes u treat me just like a shit .
i feel very upset abt it .
told u .
but u onli just escape from everything .

as expected .
ur ans is wrong .
why .
i tot u could give me the right ans .
to prove me that i am wrong .
the ans is boy .
cause the boy would rather himself lonely and painful after the girl die then let the girl be lonely and painful .
this love is call unconditional love .
haiz .

i am going to ask u a question .
if two ppl madly in love,
and till they old and sick ,
who will u wish to die first .
the boy or the girl .

ans me this question .
its my finally question for u .
ans me .
i wan an ans for u.

just went to drink alone just now .
haiz .
mood reali lousy .
now abit high liao .
cause i drank 6 shots of vodka using of 3 mouths .
haiz .
dar .
where are u .
i want u now .
sobx .
dun treat me so cold can .
my gastric now so pain lor .

dar .
has been busying with his wmo .
haiz .
treating me so dao recently .
sobx .
sad lor .
i wonder does he still read my blog .
cause he like doesn't mention anything from my blog liao lor .
haiz .
dar ah .
dun treat me so dao over a game k .
i will sad sad de .
ppl say "lian qing shou dou bu ru "
i am "lian game dou bu ru"
sobx .
lols .
2 more mths .
when i am back .
i gonna force him acc me everyday .
dun care .
i wan his love!!!!!
lols .
my closest fren, angie .
has been reali busy .
din update for ages .
sigh .
call her always nvr ans .
i wonder will we still that close when i am back .
perhaps not anymore ba .
things will be so so so different when i am back .
sometimes i wonder .
is it a good thing for me to go back .
realii dunno lor .
sigh .
sobs .
miss dar so much .
so long nvr hear his swt voice and talks liao .
and pampered by him liao .
haiz .

well well well .
i m leaving this place on the 20th .
next sat .
gg to a new place to work .
my uncle shop new boss shopp lo .
well .
its 10 mins drive to my uncle place .
haha .
so better .
i will be working at his old place first .
then .
2 weeks later go to my uncle shop to work .
well .
so happy .
haha .
salary is 250 tho .
not bad .
dun care .
haha .
lunch time can go over and find my aunty lor .
haha .
so happy .
but .
reali she bu de here lei .
sobs .
haiz .
dunno lah .
then my couz is working my current position .
but lower salary .
cause he dun reali noe eng .
well .
hopefully he can get along with the girls here ba .
lols .
tata .
i go rest liao .
tired .\
yawns .

so many happy things to share with the world .
first is .
and the most happiest thing is .
i bought my gucci bag .
and its with me now !!
whee .
i am dam happy ok .
cost SGD 1k lo .
and i used my own money to buy .
not anyone buy .
is i buy myself de .
my first branded bag !!
next target .
LV wallet .
cost SGD 800 .
then another gucci wallet .
cost SGD 600 .
or mayb not .
mayb getting presents time .
dunno what to get for dar lei .
sobx .
my stupid bro .
tell me that jiejie wants me to buy alot of cosmetics for her .
but she will pay back .
but hor .
i scared she dun pay .
then i die liao .
dunno lei .
sob .
how .
sigh .
who ask me so big mouth ask him what he wants .
then hor .
i think 99% my fren lucky draw is a frad lor .
dar had been play wmo .
i used to play with xy .
lols .
miss the days we will ton for maple .
lols .
dar so bz with gaming .
too bad i cannot play

i am reali lost now .
my ex boss called me .
asked me to go back to work for him .
but .
i rejected him .
then he said .
he give me 270 per week .
and i could start work 2 weeeks later .
sigh .
what to do .
over here i cannot get that amt lor .
haiz .
and its tough her e.
i dunno lor .
tot i could reject .
but the pay .
the thing i am afraid is .
i am scared later i go back .
once he found someone,
then kick me off again .
and .
what my uncle say is right also .
current boss is my uncle's best fren .
if i go there .
this current boss will scold my uncle for intro a lousy girl who nvr work for long .
then my uncle will be angry .
and if i go to the old place to work .
i will be only able to work for 2 mths .
then .
that boss will be angry with me also .
so if i go over .
3 ppl angry .
if i nvr,
at least only one ppl .
i dunno lah .
then hor .
if i go back and kanna kik out again .
my uncle is NOT gonna find any job for me liao lor .
haiz .
but .
the pay .
arggx .
temptation .
ahh .
anw .
will be gettin my first gucci or LV this week liao !!
whee .
so happy .
dar said he miss me .
cause nobody acc him go out .
he boring .
sigh .
so if there is someone to acc him,
he wun miss me lor .
sobx .
tata .
go watch show liao

perhaps its a good thing tt dar wun bother by what i say .
i am reali tired .
so .
i wun bother so much .
just live my life fully .
everything will be settled when i get back to sg .
alrights dar .
his ear is not well .
sigh .
i happened it b4 .
and i rmb its just when i wanna go for mj .
at jareen hse .
then in the end i went to sgh .
sigh .
my parents so worried .
but yet i nvr go home .
i went to play instead .
how bu xiao .
haiz .
but anw .
i reali miss dar alot .
u take carez okies .
muackz .
love u lots .

why .
nothing is done .
u treat it as nth had happen .
and u will always like tt .
thats not what i want .
i know u read my blog .
but .
i nvr ask u doesn't mean i dun bother .
sigh .
i reali dunno .
i am in a lost .
i am reali thinking of giving up on us alrdy .
if i am gg to that extend,
means everything is too late .
and i dun wan tt to happen .
so pls stop me from doing it .
if this time rd,
i reali give up .
i will persist .
serious .
even with any doubt or bu she de .
haiz .
i always ask u what am i to ,
u always say the same .
i always ask u what u want from me ,
u always say the same (nothing) .
sigh .
i dunno .
and my uncle shop is selling off on 15 sept .
1 more week only .
then i cannot come here anymore liao .
sigh .
everything is not smooth for us this yr .
hope things will be smoother .
jyx .

today so fucking bz .
full hse lor .
wah lao eh .
my legs now breaking liao lor
so suan tong .
haiz .
but 11 more weeks nia .
so tolerate lor .
but overall enjoyed my working .
cause getting along with the china girls today .
coperate quite well tho .
haha .
i have been going down early then them .
cause i noe i am slow in vacuuming .
so had to go down early .
or else,
breakfast rdy le,
i still haven vacuum finish lor .
then today brk,
i went to had a massage .
so dam relaxing .
reali fell asleep manz .
haha .
i managed !!
i managed not to eat anything from the buffet the whole day .
even i am hungry .
i am going to be on diet once again .
cause i realised i fat liao .
haiz .
so no more lunch or supper .
but anw .
my breakfast and din .
i eat very very little nia .
just a mouth of rice, 3 or 4 strands of veg and 1 or 2 piece of meat .
thats it .
ate fruits everyday .
apple or orange .
haha .
but i bought some digestive biscuits .
cause when i am reali hungry,
could bite a few .
haha .
now tummy grumble liao .
lols .
ok lah .
tmr long day .
nd to go rest .
finally .
tmr night gg to my uncle hse liao .
haha .
my off day is here again !!
looking forward to this day for so long .
esp when this few days is always full hse de lor .
haha .
and ivy is working tmr !!
miss her so much sia .
lols .
oh ya .
tdy i slipped down in the kitchen .
sigh .
it always happen to me .
haiz .
now my butt so pain lor !
then the stupid kitchen ppl .
i mean the head chef lah .
say i fat pig .
wah lao eh .
but hor .
ytd the second chef so funny sia .
and the third chef .
i say abt what happen abt the second chef .
cause ytd din rdy liao .
then i still standing ma .
waiting for everyone to sit ma .
then he say .
wah , u dun wan to eat ur din ah . on diet ah .
lols .
then everyone luff .
lols .
end of story .
LOL .
begin talking abt the third chef .
my shoes in the kitchen very slippery de ma .
then i walk machiam like penguin .
lols .
then he in front of me ytd .
then he saw me walk like tt .
say one sentence in chi .
穿厨房的鞋子。我还是处男。等一下，你扑上来，我处男的名身没有了。
LOL .
he so funny sia .
end of story liao .
then hor .
today i kanna lock up outside .
but luckily have ivy number .
so called her and ask her to tell the china girls open the door for me .
so cold standing outside lor .
ok lah .
i reali dam tired .
go slp liao .
nights peeps .
i used 5 mins to type this post .
fast ma?
lols .
bo liao~

being cold to someone u love .
its reali hard .
i am trying to be cold to him .
trying not to care about him .
but .
its reali hard .
sigh .
knowing that he is sick to the extend that he can't work .
i wanted to ask him what happen .
but i had to stay cold .
i dun wan to put too much love in us .
but .
its reali hard .
sigh .
kenny u take care alrights .
eat ur medication on time .
and rest well .

u know who u are .
and i know u will read my blog .
so .
this post is for u .
we haven met b4 and we are tgr .
some ppl tell me .
wat ! haven met how can say tgr .
but to me .
i reali treat u as my bf .
or even my future husband .
but .
till now at this point of time .
after tgr for perhaps 2 mths .
i dun know what are u thinking .
reali don know .
i don know whether u are serious .
i don know whether do u reali love me at all .
i wanted to get an answer from u .
but whenever i ask u .
u will run away and escape .
if ur mood is bad ,
u will throw ur temper at me .
when u nd my help ,
u will be nice to me .
when u dun need my help,
u couldn't be bothered with me .
i am a human not a toy .
i have feelings too .
i so much wanted to make this work out and last .
but .
u always treating me like tt .
making me tired of the efforts i made .
all u could tell me is .
i think too much le .
but have u ever wonder why will i think too much .
have u given me enuff security to make me stop thinking too much .
all i yearn for is more love and concern showed .
not like this .
yes,
i am glad that u wanted to share with me first of ur things .
but can u at least reali let me feel that u love me .
perhaps in the first place,
we had made a wrong move .
but even if we had made a wrong move,
i never regret making this move .
till now .
i nvr tot of breaking up with u .
but please please dun force me to do that .
unwillingly .
i don't want to .
please .
do something .
even we are far apart from each other .
u still could do something .
don ask me what i want u to do .
i am tired of always asking u to do this then u do .
please think of my feelings before u do or say anything .
thats all i want to tell u .
ps: i love u kenny .